#286: The one answer you should never tolerate!
Moving to a new company? Or maybe you just were promoted. During your observation phase you will definitely run into this phenomena ...
As you begin your planning for 2023, keep this in mind! This is one of my favorite stories.
If you would rather listen instead of read, here’s the podcast version:
This is a story that takes place on Thanksgiving, not a Thanksgiving story. The family that I’m going to talk about has had a traditional roast beef dinner instead of turkey since they came over from the old country. This dinner is without argument the best you’ll ever have, mouth-watering, melt in the mouth tender, phenomenal side dishes, roast beef dinner ever created.
I’m not sure how this dinner is put together, what the secret recipes are, or what the process is. This isn’t a cooking blog, it’s a lesson. The reason I do not know these things is because this meal is only made by the women of the house.
Sexist? Yes
But who cares? It is a wonderful dinner!
The women from every generation gather together in the kitchen from around 9 in the morning, and prepare the meal all day long. Legend has it, they have never had a bad meal.
In order to be included in the kitchen, a young lady must reach the age of 16 before she can be part of the preparation team. This year Sarah turned 16 three-weeks before Thanksgiving and will have her first experience in the kitchen. She was finally ready to learn the family secrets. With her would be five generations of women cooking the famous meal, from the Great-Great Grandmother of 98 all the way down to Sarah … Wow ..
Off they go into the kitchen and Sarah watches and her curiosity is overwhelming. She begins to ask just a ton of questions.
“Wow, I never knew you put sugar in that why isn’t it sweeter, and why are you putting the carrots on the stove now?
What is this have to do with that? Why? Why …. you get the drift. Dozens of questions asked to Mom, Grandma, Aunts, and Cousins … each question answered pretty much the same way ..
“Sarah, if you want to learn how to do it that’s fine, but it is always been done this way, so don’t ask why” her Mother finally squawked.
Sarah felt rebuffed, she simply wanted to know why. Maybe some of her questions were unnecessary, but she was determined to find out more.
Sarah kept quiet for a while, and observed quite a bit. She realized it was going to take her a few more years to get a full understanding of all this. As the clock neared 3pm it was time to put the beef into the oven.
Grandmother came up to her and said, “Sarah, you’ve made it … we are getting ready for the ceremonial cut and you get to do it” her Grandmother proudly handed her a carving knife and said, “just cut 1-inch off each end of the beef and put the rest in the oven”
Sarah was confused; “What? why would we have spent the last 6-hours in this kitchen preparing this masterpiece, and then cut off 2” of perfectly good meat and throw it away?”
“Sarah, this is part of the secret, it has always been done this way”, her great-grandmother voiced.
“But I want to know GG, why are we doing this?” Sarah countered!
“Sarah, we are really tired of your constant questions, if we want to eat on time, you need to do this now and put it in the oven” her mother countered.
“Sarah, please you’ve tired us all out” her Grandmother added …
“No, I can’t … I need to find out” … Sarah thought to herself.
Sarah looked around the room, and her Great-Great Grandmother wasn’t there. Sarah remembered that she was out in the living room watching the Lions beat up on the Packers … The game was firmly in hand as she found her in the recliner, napping away.
“Great-Great Grandma” she whispered into her ear … “I’m sorry to wake you but …”
“Oh Sarah I must have fallen asleep, is everything going okay in the kitchen?”
“Yes, it is but I have a question that I must ask you”, Sarah was nearly in tears as she continued, “I’ve done everything they have told me all day, and they won’t tell me why, but I need to know just one thing” Sarah paused to compose herself, didn’t want to get rebuffed again, “They are asking me to cut 1” of meat off each end of the beef and toss it away as some type of secret. Why are we cutting away 2” of perfectly good meat after all this hard work?” she added “I’m tired of hearing that it has always been done this way, you must give me the secret” …
The old woman sat back in the recliner, thought hard for a moment, scratched her chin … and then sat straight up, with that “aha” moment. She held her two shaking little hands about 6” apart, and said this,
“Sarah, when I was your age, the pan was only this big.”
Never accept “it has always been done this way” as an answer. Ask why until it makes sense. The process might be the right one in the end, but knowing why is key to leading.
At the Kole Performance Group, we will help you find the reasons for the recipe, and if we have to, we may add a bit of sugar and spice.